Do you have a tendency to ruminate? Do you know what ruminate means? It has been used interchangeably with the word remember; however, there is much more to ruminate than simply remembering. Ruminate means to think deeply or to “chew on a problem” to say it figuratively. How many of you have had a past upset enter your brain, maybe even one that happened in your life when you were a child and been completely helpless when trying to remove it from your mind, so it does not destroy your present?
People from all walks of life have had their feelings hurt; and sadly, people from all walks of life have had their physical beings abused or traumatized in such a way that the memory of said event brings a wave of shaky nervous energy, anger, fear, and some very serious mental discrepancies. When one thinks of abuse or trauma, often their minds go to the situations mostly discussed on Lifetime Television for Women movies, such as spousal abuse, child abuse, or violent crimes. I am here to inform you abuse is anything used against another person to make them feel afraid, intimidated, uncomfortable, or generally unable to be themselves in the presence of the abuser!
Let’s look at this true story scenario! As a young child, my parents left my brother in charge of me at way too young of an age. I remember my dad telling me, “Now Sam is the boss while we are gone.” I think I was around six when this arrangement took place, and my brother was only two years older than I. Seriously! I had a child looking after me as a child, and sadly, my older brother embraced what he knew to do when I did something he thought was wrong. My parents were in favor of spanking; but how can a child differentiate between a corrective spanking and hitting as hard as you can?! My brother would beat the fire out of me if I did something he did not like when we were alone. When I complained to my parents, they dismissed it as sibling rivalry; or they might tell him not to be so rough with me. Either way, he continued with his abusive behavior, not knowing any better. Now forget it if someone else in the neighborhood tried to hurt me. Big brother would be on them in a heartbeat, but his abuse towards me was still hurtful. Abuse such as screaming obscenities towards me or generally beating me up happened way too often! The issues that arose were a very real fear of my older brother and basic resentment and distrust of my brother and my parents spanning well into my teen years. Once when we were hanging out with a girl he liked, my hair was pulled down to the ground, because I sat next to my brother when he wanted me to sit elsewhere. His strength was too much for me as I tried to get away, and I remember feeling so humiliated at this display of physical abuse in our friend’s presence. In my adult years, I made conscious choices not to be around him, as he would still become quite angry with me for not ‘behaving’ as he thought I should. The physical abuse had stopped, but the verbal abuse was ever-present. I still remember those days; and since his death ten years ago, I have had to learn how to live with the painful memories. How can someone who is in the ground still have a tight grip on your emotional stability? It is because you were mentally traumatized; and you have to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way!
Maybe you have a similar recollection of a person from your past. Maybe your abuse was acknowledged as a very real thing, or maybe your situation seen as mine, it’s not abuse, it’s actually…..The point is how do we let go of these negative past happenings that seem to penetrate our brains and never let go, thus allowing our past to dictate our future. The best advice I ever received was this: What you feed will grow, and what you don’t will starve!
The past is incapable of hurting you. You may never be able to forget it, but you can learn from it and move on. Focus on the blessings you have now in your life, instead of allowing the evil of the past to hurt your heart, mind, and soul. You can pick up the broken pieces of you, and though you will never be the same, maybe that’s a good thing! Someone who has never been hurt by a parent might hurt their children in ways they are oblivious to. Someone who has never been abused by a loved one might not understand the other side of the abuse, and allow a cycle of abuse to perpetuate when the cycle needs to be broken. Someone who has never been traumatized by a horrific event might not understand the mental instability that comes with that trauma, therefore empathizing with someone who needs professional help would be missed.
When the thoughts of the past seem to be a video loop of pain damaging your thoughts and emotional being, don’t try to stop them right away. Take a look at them. Feel the pain. Remember how you felt in the moment. Then put that pain in a box, a bubble, or some other compartmentalized object and give it to God. The past is over, so there is no need to feed it with your thoughts any longer. Feed your passions! Feed your love for the loved ones with whom you grow and can be yourself! Feed your surroundings with positivity! Seek professional help when necessary in order to blossom into the adult you were meant to be!
Everything works together for the good of those who love the Lord! Even your pain! More often than not, remembering “how it felt when it happened to me” will allow a blessing of compassion to flow from your fingertips in ways it never would have before.
Last thought for the day…how do you forgive the one who hurt you so deeply? Forgiveness is very hard. Forgiveness is not an automatic response. Forgiveness is not something we even want when we have so much anger in our veins. But forgiveness is necessary! If you can, call, text, or speak face to face with someone you need to forgive. Prepare yourself for their likely response, but don’t back down. Say the words, “I forgive you, and now I am moving on with my life with or without you!” If the person has passed from this world, you can still forgive. Go to their graveside, look at a picture, or just conjure up a picture of them in your mind. Say the words, “You no longer have power over me. I forgive you, and I am moving forward with only the memories I need to keep in order to grow as a human being.”
Forgiveness is not for the other person! Forgiveness is for you! You can close the chapter on the past hurt without the approval or even acceptance from the one who instilled the hurt!
Just My Perspective 