If we think back to our childhoods, I believe there is not a person alive who can say, “I was never hurt, teased, picked on, or mocked in any way. My feelings have never been hurt by others.” Of course, it is just a part of growing up! Sad, but true! When we are children, we have a tendency to not think of others’ feelings before we spew a gaggle of hurtful words and mockery toward a weaker individual all in the name of feeling superior or maybe fitting in with what we view as the “in crowd. For the most part, we all grow up and get past those moments. Heck, we may even run into our old mockers and share a laugh with them without even remembering the pain of the past. But what if for some of us, it isn’t so simple? What if the person with whom you think you are joking suffers from hidden anxiety or depression, and your words never leave the video loop in their brain?
Most of my life my friends have described me as “the one who doesn’t care what others think; and for the most part, that is very true. I am a loud, crazy (in a fun way crazy), say anything for a laugh kind of gal. However, we all have our Achilles heel! It was not until I went through recovery that I began to realize why certain things killed my spirit, while other things did not even come close. When I was a child, I was mocked for having a speech impediment. When I was a teenager, my own family enjoyed telling me how much they hated my style of clothes, styles of hair, and choices of friends. My parents had complete control over how I wore my clothes and my hair, because it is simply how I was raised to believe things should be. My friends were not druggies or gothic types, just people my family did not care to know; so I made efforts to keep my distance from people I really liked. With each harsh word my family cruelly expressed toward my personal choices, I began to doubt my own identity and life preferences. When I was in a church play, I was chosen to sing most of the solos due to a strong singing voice and colorful personality. The other girls in the play either had a jealous streak or a mean streak, because they began calling me “stupid doofus” every time they saw me. I admit I love to act silly, spontaneous, and a bit obnoxious, but I am not stupid! However, the name calling went on for the entire duration of the play, and I slowly began to question if I was not as bright as I needed to be.
Again, I will reiterate the point that I usually was one who did not care what others thought. It is when the mocking, name-calling, and trivial criticisms came from people who were supposedly those who loved me that my spirit crushed! Sometimes we forget that our family and closest friends might love us unconditionally, but they will be scarred if our love for them comes with words of negativity and judgment as opposed to words of love and encouragement. Of course, there will always be times when we need to be honest and a bit harsh if their physical beings are in danger or are putting others in danger. Still, it is imperative we remember that though we think we know best for our loved ones, they are not ours, but God’s to make and mold into who they need to become. I want you to be encouraged to think of others’ feelings before your own when you make a decision to say certain words. Are these words helpful for them to be healthy or happy, or are these words just thoughts that randomly popped into your head that will do no good whatsoever if spewed from your lips?
I am a grown woman now with three children and a wonderful husband. I am so happy in my chosen profession, and I have no real reason to feel depression or anxiety about who I am or where I am. But please note…that young girl who had a speech impediment, styles and friends her family hated, and whose silliness and love for spontaneous laughter has been mistaken for stupidity still needs a hug from me every now and then! She is and was always worthy!
Just My Perspective 